speaking in tongues

I'm always amazed by people who master many languges. Personally if I were multi-lingual it would screw with what little brain cells i haven't killed off yet with Tanqueray and Tonic, wood glue, and Who's the Boss episodes. I can just see myself talking to my peeps in one lanuage and then I would start inadvertantly mixing in pieces of the other languages until eventually i just sounded like a teletubbie on meth.

Nonetheless i love languages, and I try my best to do what I can to speak the native tongue. I also like to share the nuances of my language, and extend a helpful hand out to those who may not know the grammatical or semantic distinction between "fat and "phat" (haha! what a bunch of dummies!!!) . I learned at an early age that trying and sharing are invaluable tools that will pay unlimited dividends toward your success in life. That same year I also learned that I could not marry my dog, that when someone tells you "Hey Sporto, keep your eye on the ball" it's OK to duck if it coming right at your head, and that being in the backseat of the short bus does not make you "the cool kid."

So i have learned a few other languages. My Italian is a little rusty, and is ashamedly based entirely on either menu items or pop culture. Here let me demonstrate with some sample sentences...

Ø Excuse you me sir, you call this pizza, I laugh at your feeble attempt at authenticity, where is the processed meat?
Ø Odie, you goofy slobbering mutt, get that fat, big-eyed, orange cat out of the lasagna!
Ø Most people know him as Carmine Ragusa, but to Shirley Feeney, he will always be known as the “Big Ragu”
Ø Leave the gun. Take the cannollis
Ø Garcon, I’ll have the Tortelloni Buongustaio, some Capellini al Pomodoro, oh and a little of this Gnocchi con Salsa Rosa, two pieces of Toscanella, and a bottle of colli bolognesi merlot zola predosa with one glass…the missus here will have a cup of minestrone soup, a bowl of spaghetti-O’s, a lime jello parfait, and a glass of tap water, extra cloudy please.

So as you can see, at this moment I am rather limited in my Italian vocabulary, but there is clearly potential here, isn’t there? Ok so not too good, but if your Spanish could use a little polishing up, never fear, you have come to the right place. I took three years at La Universidad, and now I can proudly say i speak at a second grade level. This should help me immensely if I am ever lost on a childrens’ show in Spain or decide to audition for a part of a Mexican caveman. Trust me though, if you want to impress your spanish-speaking amigos/as try this out on them:

debe llover, mis granos están actuando para arriba…”it must be raining, my corns are acting up”

or if you are at dinner:

ooooo, soy muerto de hambre… ¿sirven chongos aquí? …”oooo, i am starving... do they serve monkeys here?”

Well enough language lessons for today. If you desire any further instruction just let me know, afterall, I am here for you.

paz!!! el florecimiento cabeza de cebolla